Imaginary Friend

Take a look at me now

Moving with the jet stream

Prescription sun lamps

Artificial light

To ward off season disorder

Dysfunctionality

And it is dark outside now

At 3 o’clock in the afternoon

I can’t escape this sadness

Thinking of you without pretense

That the day you tried

To take your life

Was a day like this is turning out to be.

 

The more you said I was beautiful

The thinner I got

Never had the stomach

For purging

But you know how we would always

Order everything off the menu

That was sweet and creamy

And would go straight to our thighs

Yet leaving the table only having

Laughed

And sipped bottled water

With great care and deliverance.

 

We talked about everything

And sometimes there would be

No laughter or joy at all

Like when you told me

Of abuse when you

Were thirteen

And I told you of death

When I was four

Our fathers gave us our

First taste of pain

I have never forgotten mine

You have never forgiven yours.

 
We shared everything

Except for spit and cheesecake

Even though I know you’ve

Wanted to kiss me for years

But you said that you don’t care

For things like sex anymore

Now that you’ve had enough

At twenty-three

And that you were all out of love

Without ever knowing what love truly is.

 

I have never wanted to be like you

Not afraid of dying

I didn’t intended on being like me

Scared to death

Of centipedes and old age

And losing the light

Which you so gracefully shine

Into my life without ever intending to.

 

Now the thing I want most is that

I want everything for you

I want a perfect and completely unique way

Of telling you

How incredible you are

When you’re not pretending

To be someone else.